Sam's Universe!
by Indio Belga
Summary: It's the Steven Universe episodes with a Total Drama Spin, with Jasmine, Izzy, Courtney and Sam as the Crystal Games! Why? The better question is WHY NOT! And yes I know there are many answers to that question, shut up. Drop reviews if you want to see takes on specific episodes! It's more of a jab at Total Drama than anything.
1. Episode 1 - Game Glow

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a bit of a stupid story/crossover of Steven Universe and the Total Drama Universe. The idea of the episodes is similar but they usually have enough twists that fan of the TD series will be able to catch.

 **RATING:** There's a bunch of innuendos here and there but it's nothing too problematic.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I have NO IDEA why I did this. Please drop a review!

* * *

 **Sam's Universe - Episode 1 - Game Glow**

* * *

It's a beautiful day at the city of Wahwahwahwah City, but not for Sam Universe. He's at the local game shop, crying over the counter where his favourite system used to be.

"No GAMEGUYS? How can there be no more GAMEGUYS?" Sam pouts, slouching over the counter, tears almost flowing from his eyes.

Duncan scoffs nearby "I don't know, stop crying you lame-o-loser." He laughs for about one hour. "Maybe if you were a little more like me you wouldn't be caring about a stupid videogame"

Sadie rolls her eyes from behind the counter of the shop "Yeah, Sam, no more Game Guys. They didn't sell that much, so now we only have PlayZones."

Duncan laughs and tries to mock Sam again "I mean, after all, only YOU bought those stupid Gameguy Systems. How many did you even need in the first place?"

Sam sniffs, and then throws one of the PlayZones at Duncan, who falls down while laughing "But they just released a collector's edition! I need to have it!"

"Try the PlayZones, ok? I think you'll find them fun!" Sadie says, while giving one to Sam "First payment of $19,99 is on the house". Sam begrudgingly accepts, and leaves the store, pouting.

Duncan, from the ground, rubbing his head, makes one last comment "Will he ever grow up?" To which Sadie just kicks him.

We cut to Sam's house where he is trying to play the PlayZone. "Stupid PlayZone." A beeping sound can be heard and a new screen appears on the console. "Look at this, only twenty hours in and the game is over, heh"

Courtney busts in through the window, fighting a big worm and you wiggle your eyebrows. "These things are slippery!", she says, with Izzy adding right after. "And, haha, suuuper slimy!"

Jasmine takes two of the worms and bashes their head together, spreading worm blood everywhere. "Hey, stop your yapping and let just beat them quickly, okay?"

Izzy comments "Sure!" And then she bites the head of a worm off.

"Holy Guacamoly, what's going on?" Sam yelps, jumping onto the nearby sofa.

Courtney comforts him "Don't worry Sam, they're just some..." She snaps the head of a worm off, then stomps on it, then takes a bazooka and shoots at it "Annoying bugs!"

"Still!" He says, as every of the worms seem to be destroyed. "Man, I want to help you one day. I'm a Mutant Maggot too!"

"Don't worry, Sam, your powers will appear soon" Jasmine says, rubbingSam's belly, to which he laughs "That tickles! No seriously stop right now."

Suddenly Sam's belly begins to GLOW! With angelical music on the background, a shield comes out of Sam's belly!

Courtney exclaims, in shock! "Sam, your stomach!"

Izzy pumps up her fist! "This is awesome!" and hugs Sam, to which he just snorts. "I don't remember eating that"

"That's not how our weapons should be activated" Jasmine says, worried.

Sam passes out as a shield-shaped hole on his belly begins to bleed like a lot.

"Oh, poopy mcsprinkles" Jasmine says, in a stern tone.

* * *

Sam wakes up in his bed with his belly all patched up "Woahh! What happened?"

Jasmine looks at him and says, in a motherly tone if your mother was from Australia "You summon'd your weapon the wrong way, mate, but it's okay now, you're healed"

We cut to Sam and he's suddenly slim and buff. "Hey, when did I get so toned up, haha!"

Courtney lectures him, sternly "This is no joke, you could have died! You're only a half-game, Sam, we don't know how everything works for you!"

"Yeah, but I'm okay, right?" Sam pipes up "At least I'm glad I was able to summon my weapon again"

"Through the wrong end, but haha, do it again!" Izzy exclaims "But wait, where's Sam's Game anyway? Let's open him up and see!"

We get a shot of everyone: Courtney's game is in her head cause she's a know it all, Izzy's game is in her chest cause that's kinky and Jasmine's game is in her feet because she's freaky tall.

"Uh... I never thought about it." Sam says and begins to take off his shirt to check. "I never really saw it anywhere?" Izzy begins drooling at his new toned body after his Stomach was basically removed.

"Maybe it's on his Sausage!" Izzy says and is knocked down by Courtney on top of the shield "Oh wait, it's here!"

"So the shield is NOT his weapon?" Jasmine asks "Well that's a new one, mate"

Sam grabs his shield and tries to activate his game, but fails. "Awww, back to square one. How do you activate your games any way?"

We cut to the top of a hill where sakura leaves are falling. Courtney is there. "Look, if you want to get your game on, you have to focus. You have to dance with your game, you have to think you're better than anyone else with your game because you and your game are one and only and..."

She begins talking for another hour and Sam sleeps. After three hours she takes out her weapon, a pole. "See?"

We cut to a cliff. Jasmine is there. "Your game is your bond of you and nature! Me! Australia! Space! Kangaroos! Giant Spiders!" She takes out her weapon, a crossbow.

"Cool but that's not going to help me" Sam retorts.

We cut to an alleyway. Sam is sweating "Uh, Izzy, are you gonna help me on how to summon my weapon?"

Izzy rolls her eyes while swinging a flamethrower, her weapon, around. "No I just want to bang you"

We cut back to the house where Sam is curling up inside a ball. "I guess I'll never get to summon my weapon..."

"Don't worry, kid, you're half human, it's gonna take a little more time". Jasmine points out.

"What did I do last time to activate my weapon. Oh yeah, you were rubbing my belly." He turns to Jasmine.

Izzy pipes up "I'll do it!"

She does and his shield begins to glow, revealing his WEAPON! A swiss knife!

Everyone looks at him disappointed. Sam just pipes up "Cool!" They then fight a bunch of worms and strike an action pose.

* * *

And so episode 1 ends! Please drop a review because it's what motivates me to continue this! Otherwise I'm gonna punch you :)  
Keep an eye out for Episode 2!


	2. Episode 2 - Taser Tight Tantrum

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a bit of a stupid story/crossover of Steven Universe and the Total Drama Universe. The idea of the episodes is similar but they usually have enough twists that fan of the TD series will be able to catch. THIS IS EPISODE 2! Have fun!

 **RATING:** There's a bunch of innuendos and also the 'a' word here and there but it's nothing too problematic.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I have NO IDEA why I did this, even less why I made ANOTHER one. Please drop a review!

* * *

 **Sam's Universe - Episode 2 - Taser Tight Tantrum**

* * *

Sam is on his garage. He's punching a training dummy while Izzy watches on. "Good, good! You're learning!"

"Uh- yeah, can I... take a break and play some videogames?"

"Haha, you're sooo funny, Sam. So funny" Izzy laughs, spinning around in a dirty mattress that was there.

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a no" Izzy says, and Sam pouts, crestfallen, and he continues punching the dummy, getting increasingly tired.

"I mean, seriously! We've been doing this since the night started and the sun is already starting. Why do you have to keep me up all night all the time?"

Izzy giggles "You know why, big guy, haha! But it shouldn't be day already, what are you talking about? And they say I'm the crazy one! It may be truth legally but-"

Jasmine bursts open through the door "You 'ave ta' take' a look at this!"

Izzy just shrugs, looking at Sam's new toned up body "Nah, I have a better view"

Jasmine uses her crossbow to launch a lasso arrow and brings both Sam and Izzy to the patio of the house. Izzy giggles non-stop since she's tied up to Sam.

"So, haha, I'm glad I stopped exercising, but what's the matter?" Sam says, worried that the day would get even worse.

"See that?" Jasmine points to the sky where a Giant Chris McLean head is floating shooting a grin. "That's a Red Goon."

"Yes. Since you all asked for my opinion I'll explain it" Courtney begins "A Red Goon is a device made by the Game Homeworld to investigate this planet and then destroy it" She begins and then pulls out a book

"If we had your mother here, Gwen, she could use one of her Taser Tight Tantrums *boom, title drop* and she would destroy the Red Goon in a flash!"

"Well, maybe my dad Spud knows something about it" Sam pipes up

"Man, I always forget Spud's your dad. That's like, really stupid and a pretty big stretch. Maybe the creator should have, I don't know, thought about the cast selection a bit more?" Izzy comments, and no one understands it

Except you readers I love you

"Anyway, no way Spud has anything to do with it Sam. Your dad... no offense... but he sucks!" Courtney says.

"Well do you have any better ideas?" Sam asks, angry.

"...Jasmine, throw Izzy at Chris!" Courtney points out. They do and fail miserably.

"Well I'll go see my dad" Sam struts off screen and we cut to his Dad's Van.

Sam tries opening up the van and sees Spud sleeping inside. "DAD!"

Spud slowly wakes up "Oh... hey... what's up, kiddo?" He says, really really slowly. Sam talks to him "Do you know where Mom left her stuff before she vanished to give form to me in this world?" Sam asks.

"...oh..."

"sure... but don't give me a heart attack like that please"

"But.. why?" Spud asks, and Sam points to the sky where Spud sees the bright red Red Goon. "Cooool..."

They drive to a old warehouse on the outskirts of town.

"Uh... here it is. Be careful, I haven't been here for a couple years, haha" Spud says, nonchalantly, and Sam dives in. He accidentally steps on a picture of Spud and Gwen being happy.

"Dad... sorry? Hehe, I may have broken something invaluable to you?" Sam comments, super worried.

"It's okay son, mom says I'm a light eater, the lights turn on and I start eating!"

Sam continues exploring the bunch of garbage that is the warehouse. "Are you sure this tight tantrum is in here? I'm not finding it anywhere!"

"Everything she ever confided to me is in there, son... I don't know what to say..."

Sam comes across a lamp "Garbage", a toy truck "Garbage", a fifty-foot laser light cannon "Garbage". When he was ready to give up he finds the taser near a bunch of his dad's CDs.

"Hey I found it!" He yells from the bunch of trash inside. "I also found one of your CDs!"

"Oh, cooool... bring it in kiddo" Spud says as Sam returns with the Taser and the CD.

They begin returning to the beach to use the taser and we can see Izzy being thrown over and over again at the Red Giant Ass Chris who doesn't even flinch and just keeps saying "This is Total Drama Island!"

They stop for some fries along the way.

"Hey, hehe, dad... can we hear your song?" Sam asks, and Spud just makes a rock-out sign.

* * *

 **SONG - To the rhythm of 'Let me Drive my Van into your Heart'**

* * *

I know I'm not that tall. I know I'm not that smart. But I'll take the blame whenever you fart, take the blame whenever you fart...

I know I eat too much. I fill the shopping cart. But I'll take the blame whenever you fart, take the blame whenever you fart...

And if you look at my face. And think it's not okay. I'll drive you to my parent's place. And we can have a slice of cake.

I know I don't have a plan. Don't even want to start. At least I have a hand. I'll take the blame whenever you fart. I'll take the blame whenever you fart. Take the blame whenever you fart. Take the blame whenever you fart... take the blame whenver you faaaaart.

* * *

Spud blushes and Sam looks at him "...so, Gwen fell for that?"

"Bought every single word dude" He just makes the rock-out sign again.

They arrive at the beach with the taser. Courtney looks at them, mouth agape "...Spud... Spud had it?"

"Also you went out had one batch of fries and are already fat again, Sam?" Izzy cries out, sad.

"Yup! And... yup" Sam says and trips falling into his back to big belly.

"Then activate the darn' ol thing!" Jasmine points out and Izzy begins jumping up and down "Yeah, my head is hurting!"

"I don't know how!" Sam yells, trying to push the thing. The Red Goon is beginning to get even bigger! "WHO WILL BE VOTED OFF TODAY?" "EXTREME" "EZEKIEL IS SUCH A LOSER"

Jasmine yells at the top of her lungs while the world around collapses into chaos "It's useless'! Even if Spud had it, Gwen wouldn't tell him how to activate it!"

Courtney facepalms "Of course she wouldn't trust that fatass that much! Jasmine, throw Izzy again"

"Yes please!" Izzy pipes up and is thrown

"HEY! DAD ISN'T A FATASS!" Sam screams among the pillars of fire that are devouring the earth "His mom says he's a light eater, the lights turn on and he starts eating, hehe!" Sam makes one last joke before the world is destroyed.

But with that sentence, the taser begins GLOWING!

"Spud's stupid light eater joke is the trigger?" Courtney says, shaking a fist at the sky

"...Gwen" Spud says, almost shedding a tear.

"Ugh, what do I do with it now? It's gonna explode!" Sam says, with the taser ticking down. Jasmine picks it up and throws it at the Giant Chris.

On the way, the Taser flashes and bursts into a laser of light that takes Gwen's shape, and then takes the shape of several petty insults to Chris like "your hair sucks", "RR is better", "Duncan will never be universally loved", "you have a tiny weenie", "also I'm Gwen and I broke up with Duncan".

They all hit Chris who explodes in a ball of glitter and sparkles.

Everyone is tired as heck. Spud falls down to the ground and is incredibly happy that the trigger was his lame joke. Courtney falls down to the ground but begins banging her head on the ground.

Sam jumps up in glee "We did it!", and Jasmine just nods happily. Everyone is quiet.

And Izzy yells: "THROW ME AGAIN"

* * *

And so episode 2 ends! Please drop a review because it's what motivates me to continue this! Otherwise I'm gonna punch you (TWICE!) :)  
Keep an eye out for Episode 3!

If you have any other ideas for Sam crossovers or episodes I should jump right to it, drop a review too!


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